Doug Loves Sarah, Week 5 of 52

The Hard One to Write

I knew, when I began this gift cum project, that there would reach a moment like this one. When I would come up on the hard one to write. Now, there are tons of things I can say about our relationship. Tons of little stupid things that I can mention. Cute things. Meaningless, vacuous things. There is almost no end to the sheer volume of words that can be assigned to the relationship as a whole. This is true of most relationships. But let's be reasonable. I do not want to be utterly saccharine and insipidly sweet. I also have set a limit of 52 entries for this thing, and we must always be careful to not run out of weeks to contain it all.

Week after week, my main job will to focus on that which is important, but not so important that only a dozen entries exist and to focus on that which is cute and down to earth, but not so cute as to indefinitely generate fluff. It is a hard gamble, and I knew that somewhere along the way I would come upon that rough patch, that bit where I have to say "I love you, Sarah" in a way that is both meaningful and not terribly exclusionary.

I have no idea what the standard should be. I have no clue as to what to set down as a the lines to color in between. I am making this up as I go along. I will screw a few things up, I am sure, but I will get most of it right. At least as right as I can get it. I am just here to talk about my marriage. Like most marriages, it is wonderful and nervewracking and passionate and full of songs and dance and heartache and fighting matches over dumb things and cuddle time.

It is filled with poverty. We wait for weeks to see if we are going to have enough money to eat in a couple of weeks.

It is filled with laughter. We do not joke as much as we used to, but that is ok. I guess.

It is filled with quiet times, and these are nice. Warm and inviting and loving.

It is neither an exceptional marriage, nor is it a mediocre one. A definite B+, A- even. It is my marriage. And that makes it good enough for me. I see no reason to complain.

But summing that up so you can read about it on the computer screen. That is hard. I mean, something little happens all the time, every day. Every month, something kind of big happens. And from each of these things comes something else. Marriages are like elephants, they never forget.

Any event taking out of context and laid down, though, becomes an anecdotal equivalent to a shot in the dark, or a television commercial. A sitcom at best. A brief island of story which might illustrate, but rarely illuminates.

So this is the hard one to write. Where I have to pick up my keyboard and type about some little section of our relationship, and the all the time know that I am whitewashing it or bashing it, that I am fluffing it up or patting it down, and never am I getting it just right. That is perfectly ok, because I don't see you doing something better, heh.

I am not asking for a miracle. I am just asking you to please understand.

Goodnight. Love and Hugs...