Doug Loves Sarah, Week 7 of 52

"Save Me"

Ok, sap time. Let me paint a picture of mine and Sarah's early time together, when we increased our "hang out" time, but before she moved in or we started dating (note, in that order).

I think one of the things that led to the complications that I will talk about in a week or two was the fact that prior to hanging out with Sarah, I had a disastrous series of encounters with the opposite sex. Even the ones that liked me tended to like me in such a way as to get angry at me. I don't know, we'll call it a knack.

In the center of this fray were three females. The one that I had crushed on but then became just a friend, but had started a series of self-doubts (My Ex Crush). The one that was my friend but I couldn't help but crush on because of my self doubts (My Self Doubts), and Sarah. They formed sort of a grey gradient between the crush object that was a friend, the friend that was an unexpected crush object, and the friend that was practically engaged at the moment, and out of the picture. There was also the friend that had been a significant other, sort of, that was confused about what I wanted and so I was confused about what she wanted. She didn't really make things better or worse, but was there. Also, couple of other females who were flirty as heck, but never really wanted anything besides they liked havign a "safe" guy they could flirt with.

What had developed, in the midst of this vortex, was a desperate little man, me. The fact that I didn't completely try to pounce Sarah was likely more of a stroke of willpower than anything else, since I embarrassed myself with enough of my other friends. And the more I embarrassed myself, of course the more I took things personally...

Ironically, this led to two changes in friendships. The close friend I lost. The not quite so close friend, Sarah, I became close to. The reason is probably obvious. The person that I was hanging out with and sharing personal secrets and who had no issues with talking about raunchy stuff or even being highly flirtatious, well, my mind kept trying to take it over to something else. Sarah, however, I could be honest with and invest no need for a deeper relationship besides just someone to make life easier, and to help my mood and who I could spend hours with.

Irony struck again, in a good way. It was Sarah that I fell in love with, because of how relaxed this relationship and how it perfectly fitted.

I will end this with a set of lyrics, shared by My Self Doubts with me, as a anthem for herself. Things, well, ended somewhat poorly there, but in most ways, Sarah saved me from being the person in this song, fittingly. Before the two of us were together, though, I was sure this song was dead on in application to me. I give you, Aimee Mann's "Save Me" (Copyright to her and apologies for reprinting, go and buy the CD, it won't disappoint):

You look like a perfect fit for a girl in need of a tourniquet But can you save me Come on and save me If you could save me From the ranks of the freaks who suspect they could never love anyone 'Cause I can tell you know what it's like The long farewell of the hunger strike But can you save me Come on and save me If you could save me From the ranks of the freaks who suspect they could never love anyone You struck me dumb Like radium Like Peter Pan Or Superman you will come To save me Why don't you save me Come on and save me From the ranks of the freaks who suspect they could never love anyone